Wordless Monday: Parents, Get Ready to Take Notes

When You Care Enough to Give the Very Generic

Bouquet of Memories for Mother, by Frank Carpenter is a very touching book. If the person reading it is his mother or grandmother. Otherwise, it is total dribble. Example:

But, the reason that this book makes the blog is not the trite poetry. It's that, in the words of the "About the Author" page, this book is meant to capture "the warmth and tenderness of the memorable moments in our lives." Unless Mr Carpenter is a stalker, I am not sure how he is able to capture my memorable moments. By definition, they are memorable because I (not Mr. Carpenter) experienced them. 


But, we also learn in the author description that he lived in Eastern Oklahoma before being "discovered;" now he lives in Southern California. Pretty good for dribble, I will give him that.

The Stupids - Discuss (if you can)

We actually have a copy of one of the Stupid books in our store right now. Because of my exhaustion from the sale...


(pause)

THANK YOU TO ALL THAT CAME!!!! 

The sale was a big success. 

(resume)


...I can't actually get off the sofa to drive to the warehouse and then go to the scanner (etc.), so I will be lazy and use a Google images Image.

Do you know about these books? Do you have an opinion? I think there are two camps of people - Stupids Haters and Stupids Likers*. And unlike the Giving Tree (another post soon) I don't think that your camp tells much about your world view. I think mainly it tells me if you also laugh at fart jokes.** I am in the Stupids Likers category. However, as a first grade teacher I choose not to have these books in my room. And I wouldn't actually choose it as a read aloud. The word "stupid" is pretty loaded (for some 6-year-olds it is a curse word) and I think if you read this book with kids you do need to acknowledge that the word can be hurtful.

But, let me be the first to say, some things people do are REALLY STUPID. Like all of the dumb things the Stupids engage in throughout these books. And because they are stupid they are also funny. In addition, I love Harry Allard's other books, especially Ms. Nelson is Missing and the George and Martha books. So, I give him the benefit of the doubt and read the Stupids with an open mind.

How about you. Are you a Liker or a Hater?

*I do know one Stupid Lover http://allenspetnagel.blogspot.com/ though it has been several years since we discussed the Stupids in much detail.

**Fart-joke-laughers = Stupids Likers in case that wasn't clear.

Twas the Night Before Our Open House

And all through the warehouse, people were PANICKING!!!!

Okay, got that out.

We sure hope you can come to our sale tomorrow:

Roundabout Books
26 Kenwood St
Greenfield, MA
(across from Lunt Field and next to Fastenal)

And, if you are a blog reader you are double invited!

Also, we now have a way for you to browse our online inventory too:

Our Web Store can be found here. Let the buying begin!

No time for a blog post today! Got to go PANIC some more!

Read on!
Margaret

Stone Age, Computer Age

That finger is even bigger in real life. I like how this book gives you the "inside scoop" on computers, literally from the inside view of the keyboard. Like Lasers I know that the info in this book is also beyond me. But, I couldn't resist this fun page:

You may be interested to learn that in this 152 paged book, this is the sole mention of what we now know as the internet. No "WWW" or "Al Gore" in the whole book.* 

Based on the above, I do still have a question: Does Emily Post say that I should give my electronic postal worker a holiday gift? What do you get the computer who has everything?

*(c) 1992, if you were wondering.

Sometimes the Joke's on Me

A lot of books are visually dated. And, it seems like their content must be dated and passe as well. A perfect example of this is Adrien Arpel's book. But, there are books that can look as hokey as they want, I still have NO RIGHT to make fun of them. Case in point:

I don't know what that cover illustration is, but Hrand M. Muncheryan probably does. He also knows a lot of about lasers. "But, aren't lasers hokey and passe?" you ask. And my response to you is, "Were you an English major, too?" To me, lasers are what I saw on Star Wars and Star Trek. Which I only watched with boyfriends who were not English majors. They seem very 1970s to me. And, sure enough, this book's copyright? 1979. 

But, something tells me (Raymond, for one) that lasers are sort of high tech. As in, if it wasn't for lasers I wouldn't probably be writing this on the interwebs. And if you dare to peak inside, you will see this is true:

What!?!?!?!?! There is something called Holography? This is a real thing? Like a science thing?

Oh.

Wordless Monday: Because Some Books Write Their Own Posts

ABCs for Mummies

The Skull Alphabet Book by Jerry Pallotta and illustrated by Ralph Masiello is impressive in its scope. And some people really love this book on Amazon. I am not one of those people.

I get that Pallotta's book has a much older intended audience as compared to your more typical ABC book.* But, I just think the book is in poor taste. It could exist without being an alphabet book, for one thing. Secondly, it features a massive number of endangered mammals. I feel like the tone is a little like this:

Hey kids! Let's look at lots of pictures of dead animals, most of which are dead as a result of human causes! Yay, for dead things that are beloved.

A good example of this is:

The text reads

P is for...This skull is unusual. It has carnivore-type teeth, but the animals only eats bamboo. You can look right into the nasal passage and see where the sinuses were. 

Did you guess it?** To me, it feel a little bit like showing a kid the skull of his favorite grandma and asking the kid to notice where her lovely eyes used to be. I just can't get behind the enthusiasm for death. I bet though, the author of this blog*** might have a different take on things.

*One favorite ABC book of mine, by the way is Lois Ehlert's Eating the Alphabet:

**Panda.

***Check her out!

For Something So Primal, Food Can Be Such an Incredibly Dated Thing

The quantity of cookbooks that come through Roundabout Books is overwhelming! Few of them make it to the shelves. Like many people, I understand the appeal of a good cookbook; the thought that "If I just had the right cookbook, this* would be so much easier." I think you can replace the word "cookbook" with just about any other self-helpy type of book and that would explain the Personal Growth Genre's popularity. However, like most of these books, I don't think this book is going to make your life easier. Especially if this picture is any indication of the expectations Betty has for you:

The menu consists of:

• Whole Barbecued Turkey
• Stuffed Acorn Squash
• Tossed Salad with Cauliflowerets (That is how they spelled it)
• Poppy Seed Rolls
• Chocolate Butter-Mallow Cake
• Milk (Gross. Grown people should not drink milk with meals. It's not really a beverage, people.)
• Coffee

Obviously that menu makes for a relaxing Saturday afternoon for the hostess.** To add to her pleasure, she should also hand-paint*** each guests name on their coffee mug.

All of these things qualified Betty Crocker's Outdoor Cook Book for our blog, However, there is one truly nice part of this book. The cookbook was heavy illustrated by New Yorker illustrator Tom Funk. And, you can tell from these two wonderful examples of his work, that Mr. Funk knew what we would be saying about this book 50 years later:

Read on!
Margaret

*Life.
** You know this menu wasn't brought to you by a man, or a sane woman either.
*** Had Sharpies been invented in 1961??

Sometimes I think I am too Hard on the RCC, and then Something Like This Comes Along

Sometimes, like with Managing the Civilian Workforce, a book's cover will suggest a story that doesn't come to fruition when you actually start looking through the text. In that case, I have to sort of fudge the blog and use lots of CAPS to show how CRAZY!! the book is.

But...not this time. By all first impressions this book is designed for small children. Children under the age of 8. Like this book:

And, I know what you are thinking, "Kids and Priests - We've heard it all before." And, yes, Sacristy* is in the dictionary under S. But, what is really great about this book is it doesn't shy away from the good words. Hell, Purgatory, Sin, and Temptation are all defined. 

I wonder if actually this whole dictionary is just a ruse by some Catholic Press to get kids to read...

*If you owned this dictionary you would know that a sacristy is "a room attached to a church, where the clergy vest or where sacred vessels and vestments are kept." The book does actually use it in a sentence, "We should visit the sacristy sometime." which made shivers go down my spine. Kids, do NOT visit the sacristy with anyone, okay?

Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams for All You 99%ers

I don't know about you, but I had forgotten about Robin Leach, until I came across this beautiful book. You may be surprised to learn that it appears to have never been read. I would have expected serious use from a book that includes

• Menus, recipes and tips for hosting the Cannes Film Festival - "You haven't lived until you've seen Cannes during the film festival!"
• Casual entertaining advice from Ivana Trump, who we learn "loves to make an authentic Czech dinner for friends and family."
• Favorite recipes from 007 Roger Moore, "culinary genius."

I am hoping that Mitt Romney drops by Roundabout Books soon; this book will be right up his alley. I'll save it for you, Gov'nor. 

What Is Up with the Tongue?

I really don't remember Cabbage Patch Kids look quite so disturbing. And, as a child of the South, I have been to the birthplace of Cabbage Patch Kids - Babyland General. On closer inspection of the back cover, it appears that maybe this Complete with Tongue! doll was a product-line that has been discontinued.

Wonder why?

There Is No Doubt That We Must Be Managed

I was disappointed by the level tone of the text in Rus Ritter's Managing the Civilian Work Force: A Guide for the Military Manager. I actually spent some time reading it trying to find a great passage that would make your jaws drop. Turns out, Rus Ritter doesn't really long for us all to be robotic Army Stepford-Employees. He just wants to make sure officers understand the Federal civil servant system. 

Visually, though this book is blog-worthy. The title alone is amazing! And, look at these graphics! Doesn't that eagle look like he is ready to bring on some Drop and Give Me Twenties? Also, the ominous American flag flying above the Pentagon suggests that the individuals to be managed within are all Communist-Anarchist-Slackers.

In conclusion, at Roundabout Books we believe in prejudging books by their covers. Come to our store and give it a whirl! 

Sometimes Books are Triple Hitters

In Little Chief by Syd Hoff we learn that Native Americans can speak to animals, rarely procreate (which would explain their near cultural collapse much more neatly than white people giving them small pox blankets), failed to invent both the wheel and the game of tag, and had wonderful and lasting relationships with European settlers.

This book achieves three great feats at once. It is:

1. Racist
2. Revisionist
3. Aimed at children

To the publisher's credit Little Chief is now out of print. And to America's credit, it has a sale's rank on Amazon of 2,341,149, meaning that there aren't a lot of people out there who are clamoring to give their first graders racist and revisionist Easy Readers.

I wish I could give you all 64 pages, but I think legally I cannot scan the book in it's entirety,* but like all books on this site, you may certainly buy this book form Roundabout Books, provided that you promise only to use it for comic relief, not for the "education" of minors.

*Although, lawyers for Mr. Hoff, if you are reading this, first 1) THANK YOU! and 2) I do believe my blog falls under the "parody" exception of the fair use copyright laws. 

And Who Doesn't Need a Pictorial Encyclopedia of Aberrant Behavior?

When I first held this book in my hands, I knew that it was destined for greater things. Obviously the cover photo is horrific and does a fantastic job of selling this book. There is no confusion about what might lie inside. If you buy this book you know for certain what you are getting. But, then I noticed something on the spine. This book is just the first in a...wait for it...Twenty Volume Set. That's right. Even in the good old days of 1973, there was enough crime and punishment to devote 20 full books to the subject. Or at least Robert G. Bartner of the Symphonette Press believed so. This volume itself features, among other topics, Kidnappers, Lady Killers, and Gangsters.

I wonder if these were sold like Britannica, door-to-door. I like imagining the salesman's dialogue:

Salesman: Hello, may I speak to the Lady of the house?

Women: [annoyed that the Salesman doesn't know that the cultural revolution is ongoing] That is me.

Salesman: As a Lady, have you ever worried about being a victim of a  Ladykiller? If so, I have an encyclopedia set that you need to read.

Woman: [interested, because we know these books were bought by someone or I wouldn't be blogging about it right now] How much?

Salesman: Only $19.99 gets you the first of 20 installments. You can cancel at anytime.*

Woman: Sold.

*Note: I recognize that I have mix up my door-to-door salesman pitch with my infomercial pitch. Sorry.

They Make a Travel Book for Everything, Don't They?

Yes, it is as bright as that in real life. I actual had to look away when examining the book. I refuse, Mr. Hamilton-Parker to come to the light. But, thankfully when I finally succumb, I will have my trusty What to Do When You Are Dead to guide me to all the best hole-in-the-wall restaurants that Heaven has to offer and recommend a good B&B for my eternal sleep.

Roundabout Books - Greenfield

We have opened a book store! It is truly the dream of all English majors to do so. But, it turns out to be a lot of work. Thankfully it's really Raymond's business and I just get to be a little opinionated and look through the treasure trove before anyone else. It's a pretty good arrangement for me.

I also decided that I would start a blog because more than occasionally we come across a true WTF book. (Sometimes in a really good way, other times not so much...) I thought about calling this blog wtfbooks.com but figured that might not be in the best interest of the business.

The blog is not supposed to have a lot of chit-chat. Instead, a title, an image or two, and optional small caption, are supposed to take the place of any work on my part. My work is to find these gems and share them with you.

WTF book Number 1:

A Book Whose Title and Premise Would Never Be Published Today (Especially not if Mike Bloomberg had anything to do with it.) 

Sadly, If I Owned a Candy Factory is out of print. Happily for you, Roundabout Books has a copy! If you  shiver at the thought that Cookie Monster now must tell everybody that "Cookies are a sometimes food" and rarely gets to sing "C is for Cookie" you must own this book. Don't delay. Because you never know when the lifestyle police might show at Roundabout Books and tell us that we must take a green Sharpie to the cover and replace all references to "candy" with 'broccoli." Think it couldn't happen? Go try and get a Big Glup in Times Square and let me know how that worked for you.

Read On!
Margaret